A few days ago here, it was Tartan week. This poem is a shout out to all those loved ones struggling with addictions, especially those from Scotland:
Addiction Notes
It’s like walking through a minefield
What will blow up next?
Can the damage be minimized?
Can the trauma be mitigated?
Will the destruction spread; deepen?
The walking wounded surround me
Who can tend their wounds?
Who can find the mines and detonate them safely?
+++
Being a witness to the unveiling
Could be my unraveling
Which wind will be prevailing?
Will it show the scaling
Of addiction?
+++
I was caught up by a wave
Taken down by the undertow
And finally swept back on the beach –
This time.
+++
Cancelled, yes
Cancelled
Last minute
Can’t come
Illness
Can’t rest
Did best
Won’t be
There
To share
Your moment
O.K. take
Care!
Let down
Far down
But wait
The path
Of another
Must differ
Alone, yes
But
Witnessed, yes
Witnessed –
Both.
+++
Panic attack and prayer
Waiting and not waiting
Wisdom, words, speech and shame
Did I say that again?
Silence – golden or fraught
With unmentionable agonies
Of fears and realities
Unknown – yet known?
+++
The desire to love
Becomes its opposite
There is no end
Walk and fall
Struggle and stumble
The gaze of innocence
Lost, but there
Take my hand
The path’s light dim
One step as promised
Your heart
Is tarnished gold.
+++
The sweetest sound
Is a door opening
To let in the light
A word of self
Revelation a note of
Appreciation
Glows white
In the dark
Night
Of communication –
A door of hope
Has appeared.
+++
The picture is
Now complete
Four quadrants
Of hanging silence
I meet
Silence and silence
Equals vibrance
Of every feeling
Thought and hence
I work out
My own salvation
With fear and
Trembling
That which I
Feared the most
Has come upon
Me
Will it control me?
+++
How many times can a heart break?
Take me away to where
The pain is unawake
For the sake of appearances
Of propriety, of survival
The silences cover
Swallowed words
The poison taken
The joy returns
In the moment of togetherness.
+++
The grief has come and gone
No it hasn’t
The line was carefully laid down
In surprise it was not crossed
The mood was challenged and changed
The formal love difficult to receive
The heart cries and will not silence
Deep calls unto deep
Hope and trust, my
Companions return.
+++
The pain so obvious
Is denied
Sarcasm assaults
The conflict veiled
Has begun
Half a lunch is better
Than none
A truncated visit
Again
Love and resentment
Co-mingle
A chess match
Played out
Unconscious
Careening
Ground lost
Heart-wrenched
Again.
A night of prayers
Interrupted
Understanding has no hands
Pieta
The next visit planned
Like a lifeline
A tightrope navigated
Letting go feels harsh
The holding on is deadly
Adieu dear one
Go with God
Until we meet again.
+++
Pink Bird Writing 